How can I be okay with being ugly? What is the bright side?

I doubt you’re actually Ugly. Ugly’s quite the strong word. I think it’s more like you’re “not good looking”. You could easily be a gal [as I see from your history] who has a low self esteem but just can’t get the cuter guys that your friends get, but at the end of the day, are kinda cute. You’re just self-critical and feel worse-looking due to your tastes in guys being as high as your cuter and/or more socially-fun gal-pals.

So here we go, Sub-Par Looking Sally…. What are some upsides to it and how can you be OK with it?

First, almost everyone on Quora here is going to give you “cheer up” advice that does not paint an accurate picture, and is inflated too-positively with inaccurate statements. But it’s something to try and make you feel better as it makes them feel better to say it + we know if you’re down and out on your own looks, whether you’re unattractive or attractive, it’s only going to hurt your results in the singles/dating arena anyway. It’s the type of lies we’re supposed to say. So if you’re asking this question to get reassurance — which you will certainly get, which may be why you asked this question — well, you have no right to get upset if someone’s to actually answer your question doesn’t have that as their motive, right? :)

What pet would you strongly not recommend?

In your case being 5′2″ — no, that’s not a negative in looks. Another reason why I doubt you’re close to ugly… as you’re jumping the gun on what even may count as unattractive - lol.

Many gals who don’t stand out as a pretty woman but is above average looking, can ‘easily’ slip into being average looking. Just the same, a gal like you who’s not ugly, but is [allegedly] below average looking, can ‘easily’ slip into being average looking.

Another thing to bear in mind is that compared to Unattractive Guys — you have quite an advantage in the singles scene. It comes with something potentially quite negative, if you’re emotionally sensitive, though. What am I talking about? You’re able to whimsically fool-around with those better looking than you, for things purposely just-casual. As with any gal. So you still are able to indulge in this once in a while to sow an oat or two. Gals take it for granted, guys get too jealous of the concept. :) Downside though is, if you’re naive and/or emotionally sensitive, notably when young, you can get a distorted picture that you ‘deserve’ better looking guys and using that mistakenly as your “measuring stick” as to what you can/could date, when that’s not the case. So you need to be aware of this. And to be fair — it goes the same for objective nice looking gals, too — being able to fool around with a Great looking guy and him not wanting to actually Date. Not to mention the guy doesn’t have to be better looking than the gal [you] for that to be the case sometimes — so when not in the mood to get into a Relationship with anyone at the time, mine as well step into the better looking options, right? :)

Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support. I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized. he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that. he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened. he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence. i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction. after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly. things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it. we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe … our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far? this has upset me so much its hard to even function.

Knowing that over 95% of non-ugly but below-average looking gals can become an average Jane in looks without too much effort, as that’s the natural “center of gravity”, should give you peace of mind. Not to mention it may not be difficult for you to be Above average looking, if you wanted it enough. Like saying “Fvck it” and driving over to NY or Cali for said 6-month internship that’d be a great move, that feels like doing something too outside the norm — apply it to this. And you don’t even have to temporarily move instead of renewing your lease, FFS! :)

I say ‘easily’ but the motivation to do so may not be so easy. It’d be like saying “It’s easy to save some money this summer, so you can drive over across the country to take that 6 month job they’d like you for, that’s Great on your resume as it’s about the stuff that you do — and the lease on your apt is about to end anyway, with a place to stay to boot. Great timing!” It’s the motivation to save a few hundred bucks for the trip, and actually do this, which you naturally don’t want to do. But it IS easy as far as it being any “challenge”, outside motivation. There’s no puzzles here. There’s no crazy effort put into it. It’s just strongly against your comfort-zone, is all.

But I’ll give you the “benefit of the doubt” — let’s assume you’re not “good looking”, but you’re not ugly, but you are below-average looking by guys’ tastes. OK.

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One positive is at work in-person, if you do well and project yourself ideally in said workplace, you’ll be given full credit for it with nothing else getting in the way by others. Being even a step below an average Jane in looks, people aren’t inclined to make any assumptions that “because she’s a girl/woman”. There can be a bias that you must be “smarter” — as with guys who are notably non-attractive as well, who seem decent at their job. So this is something — not only are you more often to be put in the proper position that women want more of, but you’re going to evade the opposite of it.

One positive about being below average looking, which is also shared by most average Janes, and by no means outweighs one being notably Pretty — is that you’re not going have other gals being jealous of you out of nowhere. Outside of social arenas where every gal expects it, you’re not going to have old dudes looking you up and down. Stuff like that. Again, it’s better to be Pretty, but those who noticeably aren’t pretty at least don’t get any of those side-effects — if all this is even worth mentioning. I mean, are we really going to say “Oh, poor you Hot Veronica — having men compliment you all the time where it can get annoying. Whoah is you, as that part’s the ONLY result of you being Really pretty!” lol